I woke up this morning in a cloud
still and damp
the only sound
of birds
now accompanied
by the drip dripping
of lush green bush
how lucky I am
to live in this city
the house is quiet
i’ve barely left
or spoken
and yet
I have experienced
my full
emotional range
I learn so much
from being
alone
I feel something
rising in me
another long buried feeling
since I began to
attend
they have come thick and fast
all day
i have been willing
to release
but it’s still stuck
just below the surface
my truth today
is surviving
not very romantic i know
or inspiring
but today
just enough to get by
is the best that i have
and i am willing
to love my self
even for that
in any situation
where our feelings are not accepted
we are being controlled by an agenda
that is not our own
because it is our feelings
which lead us along the path
of our True Self
my daughter is sick
vomiting
like everything she does
it seems to flow
with Ease
my son
is more like me
he stirred last night
as I was scrubbing the carpet
“no mum
I won’t do it”
even asleep
he is resisting
my pregnancies with both
followed the same groove
with him inside
i wrestled with everything
that had ever happened
with her
i no longer
felt the need
i sometimes wonder
what was the greater influence
did i shape them
or did they change me
me and self-loathing
we have become
well aquainted
she is another way
in which
I have learned
not to feel
a slow day
leaving pain behind
by paying attention to
that which feels good
luxuriating
in the now
so far I thought I’d been doing ok with this Mercury retrograde
… that’ll teach me to leave the house …