I have this dream
I am weightless
floating
but
as my mind begins to stir
thoughts surfacing
I panic
what if I can’t get back
to who I am
tonight
in that same space
half asleep half awake
I realize
that I experience the same fear
in Surrender
of loosing
who I am
but
the balance is beginning to tip
from feeling the fear
experiencing it fully
Trust emerges
I am becoming willing
to let it all go
I made this commitment to write every day
and already I want to give up
but I won’t
I will Trust that some new strength will emerge from this
as usual I felt my heat and blood
anger rising in response
but then
unusually
I experienced a pause
and I had a new choice
so far
joy
has not been obvious
to me
but sometimes
it sneaks up
in an unexpected
skip in my step
or a giggle
at a childish joke
this time of year
I rise
with the sun
blue ink sky turns
pink and grey and purple
stars fade
the hills
silhouette
over the water
once upon a time
this natural harbour
was full of whales
How quick we are
to grasp
this modern belief
that things
will bring joy.
And oh
the moments I’d have missed
if it were true.
I have had
this tightness
this pain
in my right shoulder
since I was
a little girl.
Feels like
everything
I have
ever held
on to
is there.
overwhelm
my prelude
to feeling
I don’t want them
these inconvenient feelings
there are always more
taking over
through healing
I learn
how vital they are
these feelings
they connect me
to my Source
this is my experience
this is why
I am here
a blow to my heart
beat and breath become erratic
seeing you together
protective assumptions I had made
are shattered
maybe it’s not you
it’s me
feels like I’m falling
I am always on the outside looking in
will I ever reach the light?
breathe
all that is
is here now
I am always looking
I see
there is no separation
in letting go
I am. free
soaring